Monday, September 28, 2009

Horror: My Little Pony 2009

Have you walked through the toy section lately? Hasbro has redesigned the regular My Little Pony line and the result is a pony-like alien species sporting big frying-pan eyes, lollipop heads, skinny bodies and overall nothing like the originals. I'm very, very bothered by this. Their faces are smashed in, as if to appear more humanoid because, of course, it's every little girl's dream that ponies will look more like human babies with four legs and 0% body fat. Oh yeah, the torso of the ponies has shrunk down to almost nothing. Their ankles have more width than their mid-section. I am disgusted.

Why should I care so much? My 5-year-old is a MLP fanatic. She mostly collects the Ponyville series which are miniature ponies with little houses and accessories (surely taking after The Littlest Pet Shop) but she also has a lot of original MLP from the 1980s and a few ponies from recent years. The subliminal messages she would get from these revamped ponies is not one of natural beauty, humility and health--these new ponies, if that's what they even are, tell little girls to dumb-it-down, strive for a waistline tinier than an ankle, wear too much eye make-up, make sure your pupils are always dilated to the point of no return (and you know what it takes to dilate pupils...), be annoyingly cheerful 24/7 no matter how you really feel inside, be obnoxious about being "cute", in fact, be OBSESSED with it. The list could go on. You could even say the smashed-in pony muzzles might send the message to girls that having a nose is only for ugly people.

The original ponies (as above) were not malnourished, happy-go-lucky idiots. They looked, well, nice. They looked gentle and calm. Their proportions were closer to normal if not chubbier than a real-life pony. This was charming, lovable, respectable and marketable because they looked like ponies while maintaining a delicate cartoony quality that made them a toy instead of just a figurine.
A most important aspect of the originals was their inherent humility. Humility is no longer a virtue for kids these days. They don't even know they're being robbed of this crucial personality trait. It is evident in today's popular toys. Show me a current popular toy that looks humble. Show me a current popular toy that looks sober even. Show me a doll that doesn't have giant eyes and dilated pupils surrounded by inexplicable crystalline sparkles.
I don't have a new pony in front of me but if I did I could pinpoint even more disgusting changes. Go to the toy section and take a look for yourself.


Anonymous said...

Okay, I stumbled upon what you wrote when I googled about the MLP redesign, wondering if anyone else out there was as irate over the four legged freaks that are called "ponies". Like you, I was totally shocked when I saw these fell beasts. My daughter, who is 2, loves horses more than anything in the world and I youtubed the MLP movie from the 80s. Sure enough, she then wanted My Little Ponies. In my naivete, I didn't consider that they would have changed that much since I played with them as a child, using them to carry GI Joe into battle against the evil Barbie. I thought "why would anyone change a pony?" Going to Target, I was enveloped in the pink of the "girls'" aisle, surrounded by hoochie looking dolls, pretend make up, princesses, and these ponies that looked like an experiment by Dr. Moreau involving a Shetland and Victoria Beckham. What the hell. We are horse people and I can say with fair certainty that I have never, ever in my life, seen a creature that looks like these monstrosities. Forward facing eyes, Robert Smith eye shadow (seriously, I would wonder about ANYONE who wants to make an animal look sexy), torsos that could barely contain a third of a pony's internal organs paired with huge feet, those vacuous stares where in a real pony there is life and awareness (and I must say, in certain breeds, sweetness and patience). Somewhere, somehow, we lost the desire to be sweet and innocent and latched onto the concepts of sexing up animals and teaching toddlers to put on make up. Gag. If this thing was my horse, I would be forced to shoot it.

Sarah Jane said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. I appreciate hearing what other people have to say about the new MLP. I'm really glad I'm not the only one who thinks they're a mistake.

catbiscuits said...

i totally understand. i liked the the recent my little ponies- the ones from 2008- i which i bought a few of. i got a horrible shock when i went into a toy shop and found those, i was like 'auuuuuuuuuugh this cant be happening they're ruined i can never buy them ever again!!' D:
they dont even look like ponies anymore, i thought maybe they'd made bigger versions of those revolting ponyville things but my GOD...eww!
sorry about that rant, just glad to find someoneelse who realises just how repulsive they are